Archive for January 31st, 2010

The Ant and the Grasshopper

January 31, 2010 10:38 am | No Comments

Revised Edition for Our Times

The following is the liberal “common good” version of the old favorite, the Ant and the Grasshopper:

Remember the ant and the grasshopper?

OLD VERSION . . .

The ant works hard, in the withering heat, all summer long.
He builds his house and stores supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks that the ant is a fool.
He laughs, dances and plays the summer away, preparing nothing for the coming winter.

Winter comes, the ant is safe and warm.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

The moral to the story being: BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF!

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NEW VERSION . . . (sad but true)

The ant works hard, in the withering heat, all summer long.
He builds his house and stores supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks that the ant is a fool.
He laughs, dances and plays the summer away, preparing nothing for the coming winter.

Winter comes, the ant is safe and warm.
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and fed, while others are cold and starving!

CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN show up to provide pictures of shivering grasshoppers, next to a video of an ant in his comfortable home, with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast!
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer this way?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah, with the grasshopper.
Everyone cries when they sing “It’s Not Easy Being Green”.

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house, where the news stations film the group singing “We Shall Overcome”.  Jesse then has the group pray for the grasshopper’s sake, and reminds the group to contribute to his group, so that he can “continue the fight” for grasshoppers, everywhere!

Ted Kennedy & John Kerry exclaim, in an interview with Tom Brokaw, that the ant has gotten rich, off the back of the poor grasshopper!
Both call for an immediate tax hike, to make the ant pay “his fair share”!

Finally, the EEOC drafts the “Economic Equity For Grasshoppers Act”, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire the proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his house is confiscated by the government.

Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper, in a defamation suit against the ant.  The case is tried in federal court, with a jury comprised of unemployed welfare recipients.

Surprise! The ant loses the case!

The story ends, as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food, while the government house he lives in (which happens to be the ant’s old house) crumbles around him, due to lack of maintenance!

The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found, dead, in a drug-related incident.
The house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders, who terrorize this once-peaceful neighborhood.

The moral of this version? Think before you vote!

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